i’ve got a hold of different realities

Carmelo Barrera Cruz

i’ve got a hold of different realities

and i can influence them in different ways

there is this concept of being white

while being brown: being whitewashed

“a coconut,” i’ve heard someone describe it.

is it whiteness? is it assimilation?

maybe it’s our learned behaviors from how

white people responded to our actions/words

and we’ve shrunk ourselves for others’ comfort.

i have to negotiate my white and Mexican side

because one side

                                desires to be selfish

and the other

                                puede amar y enseñar

my white side concerns itself     with what people think

                                                            with people pleasing

                                                            by thinking about making the most money

                                                            with living a life

a life that contradicts every aspect of who I am

my brown side cares                      about la Gente, the people.

                                                            about healing la Herida, the Wound.

                                                            about explorando el Mundo, meeting Nature.

                                                            about learning and expanding la consciencia,

                                                            creating Awareness.

una vida de Aprendizaje, a life around a New Understanding.